According to Chinese customary beliefs, marriages are predestined in Heaven. Just as fate. This belief explains why couples living thousands of miles away from each other or from two different countries can have the affinity to meet up and eventually get married. Although it could be romantic to hold to the belief, Heaven governs fate; therefore marriages are considered sacred in many religions and said to be made in Heaven. The married couple can produce off springs which enlarge and perpetuate the family.
With humanity in mind, the ancients specifically designate a hexagram Jia Ren / The Family in the Book of Changes to recognize the importance of roles in an extended family. The commentary to the judgment has this to say: ‘The foundation of the family is the relationship between husband and wife. The tie that holds the family together lies in the loyalty and perseverance of the wife. Her place is within, while that of the husband is without. It is in accord with the great laws of nature that husband and wife take their proper places.’
Although marriages will endure through time with 'give and take', tensions can arise among spouses over matters of the heart, money, unfaithfulness, or bad habits. We do well to remember that both spouses are human and each has their own needs. Unless one of them is a habitual spouse beater, most family quarrels can be resolved by the husband and wife themselves. Therefore relatives and friends hesitate to interfere unless they are called upon to do so by one or both parties. When requested to help, the Chinese often remember this adage: ‘Better to teach someone to beat (discipline) his son than to advise him to split with his wife’.
Why? Because it can hurt a few parties especially if children are involved. Therefore the couple is often advised to resolve the quarrels and to hold on to the marriage as long as they could. Since time is often a great healer. And this is about humanity.
Yet some experienced Yi diviners go against the grain by freely ditching out advice in forums calling for a split up of marriages, even though the Yi oracles obtained had nothing to do with it. Indeed such partial advice increases no one including themselves. Have these diviners ever wondered about the consequences if their advice leads to a breakup of a marriage or a family? If the breakup causes innocent parties to suffer or someone to take his or her own life, such advice will go against Tao and Heaven. How can they remain blameless? Do the Yi and the ancients not teach about the ways of Tao and Heaven?
Therefore if diviners want to be earnest and sincere Yi students, do not go about reading ‘dead books’ and muddle through life. Do yourself a favor. Please take some time out to learn about the depths of humanity. It is never our job to advise someone to seek for a divorce, since marriages are made in Heaven.
And I am sure; we would want Heaven to be on our side. No?
Relevant entries: Time with the family Dec 12, 2005; When Hexagram 64 changes to Hexagram 63 May 23, 2005; and Muddle through studies and life Jan 23, 2006.